Fighting Loneliness with Love, One Note at a Time
My story of being a volunteer letter writer to the elderly
Note from Elizabeth
Welcome to guest writer Barbara Burns-Dore, an active contributor to our private Facebook group “The Art of the Heartspoken Note.” She has inspired us with pictures of the cards and letters she creates and mails, and when I learned about her regular involvement with an organization called Love For Our Elders, I asked her to tell us all about it.
Hello, fellow letter writer:
I’ve been writing letters since I was a teenager, passing notes to friends at school and writing to GIs during the Vietnam War. (Anyone remember choosing soldiers to write to from Tiger Beat magazine?) One soldier and I even created a story together, taking turns adding to it with each letter. I wish I’d kept those. Another drove from Virginia to Massachusetts to visit me and my family when he returned home, just to say thank you.
I’ve never thought of myself as a great writer, but I’ve always loved putting pen to paper. There’s something about the shape and form of letters, the rhythm of handwriting—it has always been a sacred art form for me, with the added benefit of connection with others.
Spotlight on a letter-writing nonprofit
Today, I want to tell you about a nonprofit that uses handwritten letters to ease the isolation of older adults and to foster intergenerational connection: Love For Our Elders.
I discovered the group during the pandemic and was immediately drawn to their mission…a mission that matched mine.
Founder Jacob Cramer started the organization after losing his grandfather. While visiting nursing homes, he was struck by how many residents felt isolated and alone. He began writing letters, enlisted others to join in, and shared the project through social media and an easy-to-navigate website. He even wrote a delightful children’s book called Grandma’s Letter Exchange.
Is this kind of note writing for you?
If you’re someone who craves a two-way pen pal relationship, Love for Our Elders might not be the right fit. My sister also joined the project, but she often says, “I wish they’d write back.” When you write to someone, you can (but don’t have to) include your return address, and I have read a few stories where letters have been responded to. Mine have never been, and I never expect them to. But, you never know!
I definitely believe that one-way letter-writing creates Connection and helps to decrease isolation. There’s an inspiring 8-minute interview with the founder, Jacob Cramer, on the Kelly Clarkson Show.
Temper your expectations
During the pandemic, a friend asked me to write to her lonely friend, who was living in a long-term care facility and was also interested in writing to someone. She wrote back a few times, but eventually stopped, sadly saying she didn’t have much to say. I still send her a note each month, and my friend who visits her tells me she displays and loves them. She chats with her caregivers and other residents about my little sketches and quirky updates. Hearing this makes me so happy, because although she’s not writing back to me, my notes are used as a bridge to connect with others.
Another person I wrote to was a high school acquaintance who had long struggled with her mental health. A mutual friend asked me to reach out. She wrote back a few times, but eventually, the letters stopped. I sensed that responding had become more of a burden than a joy, so I let it go.
Letter writing does take energy. For some, it’s a delight; for others, it’s just something else for their to-do list. And when loneliness is tied to depression, even opening a letter can feel exhausting, never mind writing a letter, which may feel like an impossible task.
I am fine with writing and not getting responses. I imagine the recipient opening my note and just having a brief moment of positivity and fun in their lonely world. I imagine them sharing my note with their family, caregivers and friends.
Connection, connection, connection.
Social connection can help a person feel less isolated
My experience with Love For Our Elders
In 2024, I set a goal to write one letter a month for Love For Our Elders—just one. It felt manageable, so I’ve kept going in 2025. Each month, their beautifully crafted website features a list of older adults nominated to receive mail, along with a little narrative about each one and their address. The list changes monthly and is kept current. I really love the idea of reaching lots of people rather than writing to the same person every month. Since I started with this practice, I have probably reached 20 - 30 lonely people.
You can nominate someone, too, if you know an older adult who could use a little love in their mailbox.
I usually choose to write to men because I believe they often have fewer social connections, and I suspect most letter writers might rather write to a woman. This is simply a preference I’ve incorporated into my practice.
A creative outlet
I make my own cards, decorate the envelopes with handlettering and paint, include sketches in the notes, and choose vintage stamps from my collection that I think the recipient might enjoy. Before mailing, I photograph my letters and share them on Instagram, tagging @loveforourelders. Sometimes the organizers there will repost. I also post in Elizabeth’s The Art of the Heartspoken Note Facebook group to encourage others to join in.
Want to learn more?
My mission—what my sister calls my gospel—isn’t about promotion or profit. It’s about helping ease loneliness and lessen feelings of isolation. Still, I’d be glad to host small, affordable virtual workshops to share my process and philosophy about creativity, developing an art practice that includes letter writing, and social connection via letter writing. If any of these is something you’d be interested in, please leave a comment below.
Barbara Burns-Dore
Artist/Social Worker
P.S. To learn more about Love for Our Elders:
P.P.S. Kelly Clarkson’s audience joins nationwide Letters for Elders Campaign: 8-minute video
About Barbara Burns-Dore
Barbara Burns-Dore is an artist/social worker and avid letter writer.
She believes that developing creativity and social connection are essential for self-care, especially as we age.
She lives with her spouse and black cat, Molly, who is a subject of much of her art.
You can find her on the following social media platforms:
Thanks for reading, because readers like you support this publication. This weekly newsletter is always free, but paid subscribers are not only patrons for my writing but they get discounts on products and courses as well as the value-packed monthly Action Plan. Taken together, these are the equivalent of master' s-level training in note writing.
Have a great week, and always remember: whether written or spoken,
words from the heart will never fail you!
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I am very interested in your workshops!
This was a great post. I would be interested in a workshop.