Tiny Thanks: A Child's Gateway to Gratitude

Encouraging little hands to express big thanks with notes...

How do you get children to write thank-you notes?

This has been a common question at most of my book events, and it’s posed by both parents and grandparents who want to receive acknowledgment for the gifts they give their grandchildren.

Strategies used in parenting and education to make activities enjoyable, engaging, and meaningful for children often involve elements of play, creativity, storytelling, and personalization. Those principles are reflected in the list of ideas below, and some even stretch beyond handwritten notes to include technology in the expression of thankfulness.

As every parent knows, what appeals to one child may be torture for another, and a child’s tastes change as they get older. Peruse these ideas and see if any of them might help your child transform the expression of gratitude from obligation to fun:

• Crafting Party: Host a crafting session where kids can make their own thank-you cards using colorful papers, stickers, and glitter. This allows them to be creative and gives a personal touch to each note.

• Storytelling Notes: Encourage kids to write a short story or a comic strip about how they plan to use the gift. This can be a fun way for them to express their gratitude and practice their storytelling skills.

• Digital Creativity: For older kids, using digital tools to create thank-you notes can be appealing. They can design digital cards or even short thank-you videos to send to family and friends.

• Thank-You Note Challenge: Turn it into a game where each child tries to create the most original or heartfelt thank-you message. Offer small rewards for participation. Remember, though, that competition is inspiring for some but a disincentive for others. I would have hated this as a child.

• Family Thank-You Hour: Set aside a family hour where everyone sits down to write thank-you notes together. This makes it a shared activity and less of a chore. I always wrote my thank-you notes while my children were writing theirs.

• Thank-You Note Tree: Create a thank-you note tree in the house. Each time a child writes a note, they can hang it on the tree. This visual representation can motivate them to add more notes to the tree.

• Photo Fun: Include a funny or cute photo of the child using the gift in the thank-you note. This can be especially engaging for younger children.

• Educational Twist: Integrate learning into the process. For younger kids, this could be practicing handwriting or spelling, while older kids could focus on composing thoughtful messages or learning digital design.

• Themed Notes: Have themed thank-you notes (like superheroes, animals, space, etc.) that align with the child’s interests. This can make the process more engaging for them. Check out the wonderful kids’ cards from Coral & Blue.

• Gratitude Jar: Every time a child writes a thank-you note, they get to put a note or token in a “gratitude jar.” Once the jar is full, they receive a special family activity or treat. While this may smack of bribery, it can be a strong motivator that, over time, turns into pleasant associations with the act of note writing that will turn into a lifelong habit.

• Role Play: Encourage kids to role-play as different characters writing thank-you notes. This can be a fun and imaginative way to approach the task.

• Pen Pal Exchange: Set up a thank-you note exchange with cousins or friends, making it an exciting way to communicate and express gratitude.

• Thank-You Note Race: Make it a timed challenge to see who can write the most thank-you notes in a set amount of time. This can be especially fun for competitive kids but be sensitive if you have a child who would be intimidated by this.

• Personalized Stationery: Give each child personalized stationery with their name or favorite designs. Having their own special paper can make them more excited about writing notes.

Start when your children are too young to write—while they’re still fascinated with the idea of doing something “grown up.” Believe me, Grandma will be as thrilled with a scribble as with a legible note. You can add the “translation” in your child’s words if you want.

When my two were old enough to write on their own, I gave them each a list the day after Christmas of the gifts they had received and the names and addresses of the gift-givers to whom they were going to write. When very young, I also made sure they had notecards and writing utensils. This made it easier for them to sit down and knock out their thank-you notes before school started again after Christmas.

One of the best ways to plant the note-writing seed in your children and grandchildren is to write them often and give them a taste of the joy of receiving personal mail delivered right to their mailbox.

Expert advice from Ashley Cruz Campbell

To get some expert advice for this post, I went to my friend Ashley Cruz Campbell, CEO of Coral & Blue Stationery for Kids. I interviewed Ashley earlier this year for my post “Growing Gratitude: One CEO’s Vision for a Better World through Kids’ Stationery.” I asked her to weigh in on any tips she might have to encourage children to write thank-you notes. Here are her gems:

1. Don't tell kids (or warn them) that they're going to be writing thank-you notes.

2. Put the paper, pencils, and art supplies out on the table and they'll come right over.

3. Talk about what they received and what they're grateful for. Get them excited to express gratitude.

4. Write one or two or three, but allow mistakes. Mistakes are what makes kids' cards adorable.

5. Take them to a big blue post box (or red or yellow in other countries) and allow them to drop them in the mail!

From my interview, Ashley also made this helpful observation: “Note writing is really about gratitude, happiness, and human connection, three things we are all craving today…Taking the time to write deepens connections with others and enhances gratitude and even self-confidence in children. Secondly, putting pencils and crayons to paper is extremely calming for kids. They are so used to keyboards that handwriting and artwork have become a novelty, but one that helps them—helps us all—to find peace and balance.”

Tough Love from Ashley

After this post was originally published, Ashley posted the following to her Instagram page, and I thought it was the best and most honest answer to the question from parents I’ve ever seen:

FRUSTRATED PARENTS: I wish my kids would write thank you notes, but they don’t want to.”

ASHLEY: You have to make them write them. Establish good habits just like saying please and thank you, and helping around the house.

Thank you, Ashley! We need to hear that.

I’d love to hear from you what has worked for your family to encourage thank-you-note writing! Please let us know in the comments.

---

Wrapping Up and Coming Up

This will be the last issue in 2023 for Today’s HEARTSPOKEN Note. It comes with my sincerest wishes to you and your family for a blessed Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate at this sacred time of year. I’ll be taking a Christmas break and pop back into your Inbox in January 2024! Subscribe now so don’t miss anything!

Before You Go

Thank you for reading Today’s HEARTSPOKEN Note! All of my content is public (i.e., free!), so if you enjoyed it, please share or leave a comment using the buttons below. If you’re a Substack author, please consider recommending or restacking it if you think your readers would enjoy it. You can also start (or join) a conversation in this newsletter’s NOTES area.