The Changing Art of Personal Note Writing
How notes have evolved over the past 75 years
If you’d prefer to listen instead of read this post:
When I promised to write about etiquette changes in note writing over the last 75 years, I had no idea how much information I’d find, so I’ll share it in small batches.
The etiquette for personal notes, especially those heartspoken, handwritten messages we all love, has evolved in unique ways, distinct from changes in professional notes written in corporate or nonprofit contexts.
Today, I’ll focus on personal notes.
Let’s get personal
I first consulted Emily Post’s Etiquette: The Centennial Edition, published in 2022. Written by cousins
and , both great-great-grandchildren of Emily Post and in their 40s as of January 2025, it offers a fresh perspective and contemporary approach. I love that in all their advice, the authors adhere to the fundamental etiquette principles of kindness, thoughtfulness, and respect. I highly recommend this book and the excellent, detailed Chapter 3: “Communication & Correspondence.”I was surprised and pleased to learn from the Emily Post book that except for extremely formal situations, we no longer must worry about including Mr., Mrs., Ms., Master, or Miss. Just “Elizabeth Cottrell” is fine.
They suggest inquiring about a couple’s preference for being addressed. My husband is a physician, for instance, who appreciates his title being used. I am proud to be his wife, but I also appreciate my name being used, so “Dr. John and Elizabeth Cottrell” would be our preferred couple’s address. But I certainly don’t take offense at “Dr. and Mrs. John Cottrell” or “John and Elizabeth Cottrell.” Nicknames are best used in your note greeting, not the address on the envelope.
Emily Post’s Etiquette lists five types of notes:
Social notes
Congratulatory notes
I would have included “Sympathy or Condolence Notes,” but they provide examples later in the book.
Readers of my book HEARTSPOKEN: How to Write Notes that Connect, Comfort, Encourage, and Inspire will find I’ve covered many other kinds of notes and how to write them in your own unique voice.
What’s Changed in 75 Years?
This topic may be dangerously subjective, but it seems to me—as someone who has lived through those years and been writing notes for over 60 years—that for good or bad, the changes fall into eight main categories:
Tone and Style has shifted:
Personal notes today have a more casual tone—they are more conversational and less formal than those written 50 years ago.
1950: Dear Susan, I wish to extend my heartfelt thanks for your kind hospitality.
2025: Hi Susan, Thanks so much for hosting us—it was such a treat!
Notes today often contain more humor, emojis, or playful phrases, especially between close friends.
1950: Dear Mary, your brunch was so lovely, from your elegant table to your delicious menu. I so appreciate having been included.
2025 Mary, you’ve officially set the gold standard for brunch—thanks for such a fun day! 🍳🥂
We’re making our notes more personalized: Notes today are tailored to specific experiences, memories, or shared moments rather than being generic expressions of gratitude or well-wishes.
1950: Dear Mary, Thank you for the lovely gift—it was very thoughtful of you.
2025: Hi Mary, The gorgeous blue cashmere scarf you sent was perfect for the chilly weather this week—I thought of you every time I wore it and felt the warmth of our friendship!
We write more often and for more reasons.
Broader occasions: In the past, notes were primarily reserved for formal thank-yous or milestone acknowledgements. Personal notes are now written for a wider variety of occasions, such as just-because notes, encouragement during tough times, or random "thinking of you" messages: "Hi Carla, Just wanted to say I’m thinking of you—hope your first week at the new job is going well!"
Focus on Connection: Notes are more often written to nurture ongoing relationships, not just to thank or acknowledge someone. "Hi James, I saw a magazine photo of the dessert you made last weekend—it reminded me of your amazing dinner party! I’d love to have your recipe if you’re willing to share."
We’re writing shorter notes:
75 years ago, letters were more popular than notes. Modern personal notes tend to be more concise, reflecting—I suspect—today’s propensity for haste and shorter attention spans.We’re getting more creative in our formats:
People today seem to enjoy experimenting with formats like bullet points, short poems, or drawings. The popularity of my recent mini-course, “Say Thank You With Flair: Elevate your thank-you notes with Rhyme and Haiku,” reflects that trend.There’s more sensitivity to cultural differences:
Happily, today notes tend to be more sensitive to language that could unintentionally exclude or offend, reflecting greater cultural awareness, unless you’re very sure of someone’s family situation or faith tradition. This example is still hotly debated, so please be gentle in your responses. I send Christmas cards and say “Merry Christmas” widely to folks whom I know to share my beliefs about Christmas, but if I’m not sure, I lean towards the second wording.1950: "Dear Mary, Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas and hoping you have a wonderful time celebrating the birth of our Savior."
2025: "Dear Mary, Wishing you and your loved ones a holiday season filled with joy, peace, and cherished moments together, and may the new year bring an abundance of blessings."
We’re paying attention to the eco-impact of our choices:
There is an increasing preference for eco-friendly practices, such as using recycled paper and inks or handmade stationery.We often use digital follow-ups along with our mailed notes:
Of course this wasn’t even an option in 1950! While handwritten notes remain a cherished gesture, it’s now common to follow up with a digital message if delivery is delayed or additional thoughts need to be shared: Hi Sarah, I just sent you a little note in the mail. It should arrive soon, but I couldn’t wait to tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness!
The bottom line
These shifts reflect broader cultural trends, including the blending of formal and informal communication styles, increased awareness of diversity and inclusion, and a greater emphasis on personalization in all forms of communication.
What other changes in note writing do you think should be included in this list?
It’s Universal Letter Writing Week (Jan. 12-18)
Universal Letter Writing Week falls on the second full week in January. Bring your passion for letter writing out this week! Write a note or letter. Think about the ones you’ve received that made a difference. Enjoy memories from your childhood…did anyone write letters? Do you recall a special desk, unique stationery, or a familiar handwriting? Some might remember a fragrance associated with the notes of someone special in their life.
Coming up…
Next week, we’ll remember John Hancock on his birthday and I’ll focus on shifting trends for the writing of professional notes and my conviction that heartspoken notes belong in the office too. Successful sales professionals have been harnessing this powerful connection tool for decades. Don’t miss it — if you’re not already subscribed, click this button now.
Love The HEARTSPOKEN Note? Wait…there’s more!
To my free subscribers: your weekly emails and full archive access aren’t going anywhere. But if you’ve ever wished for even more guidance, prompts, and inspiration to take your note-writing to the next level, and exciting membership opportunity is coming before the end of this month. I’m ironing out details and building a library of resources and to help you go deeper and write notes with more ease and confidence—details coming soon!
Have a great week, and always remember: whether written or spoken,
words from the heart will never fail you!
Excellent review of note writing then and now; really appreciated the side by side examples.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. Listening to the audio version was a delight!